Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Tired

Tired


I'm tired
Why we have to repeat everything over and over again?
I could really see my future...things might not be beautiful, but at least, stable...

I've been asking myself about this over and over again, is this all about it?
I always feel something isn't right, it isn't as perfect as I put these together, just..lack of something... a very essential element in life

I'm bored

I'm bored...

Sometimes I need a chat, or wanna go out or simply want a companion... I go through my mobile and realise none of them are available. Don't ask me about Kevin, he's always busy. Work has taken most of his time, most probably all of his time. When was our last date? Check my previous post, you can count. If you don't see our "happy outing" post for a month, simply means we didn't go on "date" for a month. I always, always try to think the positive side when I blog... to be true, I'm not very happy with the relationship I have

People thought everyday is a date to Kevin and I, but I don't think so.
It's just...work

This is something I couldn't complain, I know his work...he's really spending all his time on his work, I know it, I seriously know and understand...he works on weekend too, almost 24/7

He could see me anytime he wants to, he didn't need any so called "date" anymore...sooner or later, I started to wear very casually, didn't groom myself when I go out with him, not anymore.. or maybe only some special occasions. He always thought it's very safe, putting me in the office alone...no male colleagues, he needn't worry someone might take me away from him. Do you know what? I was expected not to have male friends, or he expected I wouldn't give any chance (so called) to any men.

There are 2 genders in the world, male and female

If,
If I'm not "allowed" to go out with men, or make male friends... I only have 50% of choices of friends
and I don't give it a damn when he goes out for tea or whatever with his female friends, I don't mind at all... I trust him.
But, why can't he trust me?
Is going out with just 1 guy means something?
Yes...of course it means something, but it could be nothing too

As time goes by, I couldn't help but notice...I'm lonely
I'm very lonely, I always feel I'm on my own, all by myself..

I see people around me are getting married one by one; (as a contrast) couples screaming crying want a divorce in my office everyday... I seriously doubt if I really envy "just married" or getting sick of the idea of marriage

Maybe I should get another job, and have proper date with him, start all over again.. I don't know

If I work for other people, I wouldn't choose law anymore.
27 (almost) for another new start, what can I do?
What industry to join?












-.-

5 comments:

beeden said...

Dear Violet, maybe you just need to join some sort of social club, badminton, dining, hiking(?), photography :), so that you can broaden your circle of friends and activities. You obviously have a very vivacious personality, at least your photos seem so, so I'd recommend a photo group, and then specialise in an area, flowers(?), people, places.
peace Bender2001(Flickr)
Sorry about the plug for my site below.
http://www.zazzle.com.au/beeden

CathJ said...

Oh dear.. It's happened.. I just don't dare to put on more kerosene here.. but what ever your decision is.. all the best to you..

I am married to a super duper busy man.. and frankly speaking.. that's what I feel.. but we try to solved it together (Don't ruin it..but try to fix it).. it's not turn out perfect.. but at least there is solution.. no matter who we married.. lawyer not a lawyer.. trust me.. it's always a problem.. nothing is perfect in this world.. even the richest people seems to have everything and can go anywhere will have their own problem..

take care..

deb said...

i'm around if you need to talk. i totally understand your predicament. what beeden say is true, we need to find a hobby. shall we do something together? or shall we just start with yum cha-ing first.

=)

Dr V said...

My original reply to your post was too long, and who will live long enough to read all of that?! ^_^ So I'll try to be brief.

I'm speaking as a person who's probably had more than a few ladies write a similar post about me. The problem lies in how we define success. Some men measure success in Ringgit, and some women measure success in minutes. It's the age-old tug-of-war between social status and family time. If you're like some of my past girlfriends, then you might feel slightly guilty for asking for more intimate moments in your relationship, when it seems that the guy is such a good guy in many other ways. Don't feel guilty! You have every right to demand more attention. Sometimes we forget that attention can come from so many other directions, if we feel we cannot find the time. If you feel something is wrong, then something IS wrong. Ignoring it now doesn't make it easier now, or in the future. Like other problems, it will grow into an unmanageable state. Currently, you and Kevin are in the midst of writing a contract, which you will follow for years to come. And like most contracts, breaking the agreement gets harder as time goes on. So negotiate better terms that you can live with. We all know you love each other, and want to have a happy family together. But when one person feels underappreciated, and the other person out-of-touch with reality, then in the end you will both be unhappy. And no one wants that. So state your case! Stand firm on your terms! And most of all, don't suffer in silence. The blinding truth in front of your eyes is always the hardest to see, so don't expect Kevin to change without some guidance.

My career takes a lot out of me. I am older than history itself, and I still don't have any children. I'm sure this is not what Kevin wants. So don't let him be so busy that he misses out on opportunities that only come once in a lifetime. It's up to you Violet. Well it's up to both of you, but you owe it to yourself to at least try. Okay? Good luck my friend!

P.S.: I agree with the other comments, and you should widen your circle of interests and contacts...including men.

violetmay said...

My dear friends...thank you for all the constructive suggestions, I really appreciate it... let's just see how things go :))

p/s: Deb, I'll definitely call you out to yum cha after my sister's wedding dinners :)