29, March 2012

My blog is dead....

There's 0 updates since last year September, after my ROM entry.

Grrrrrrrr......couldn't believe it. I have to admit I forgot I have a blog to update.

And...my Taiwan trip post was certified dead, half way to buried in the graveyard already.

Suddenly...I feel so miserable...what happened to favorite online activity?

And what happened to my camera? I don't really take a lot of pictures nowadays...maybe I feel so old inside already? :'(

HMMMMM!!!!!

I must do something to keep this blog alive, first, I need to see a doctor, ask if he has a way to pull it up again.

Till then~

<3

Taroko National Park 太鲁阁国家公园

^^

Photos attack!!

Taroko National Park 太鲁阁国家公园

-_-"

We closed eyes

LOL

The "best' shot after so many attempts

I'm so tanned!

Ciao ~

;)

^^

New Year's Resolutions

My 1st ever new year's resolutions.

I ought to be very ashamed of myself, I've never had any resolutions before. Not that I suddenly want myself to fit into another frame, but I think 2010 has brought a lot of memories, both good and bad.

Start with my sisters, Eling got married on 01.01.2010, I slept alone on a queen size bed since then, followed by Joan's wedding on 10th September, I'm sleeping 2 single beds and a queen sized bed until now. 2 single beds are full with my clothes (all tidily folded of course), because I didn't want to leave the beds empty...quite creepy at night.

I don't know what's gotten into me, I started to have insomnia, very often I woke up middle of the night, staring blank at the ceiling... I find myself very lonely, sometimes I weep at night, kept thinking bad things about my life...

Slowly, I wasn't happy with almost everything of myself, worst of all I started to change (perhaps it's not really a bad thing at all). First I wasn't happy with my relationship, I found no freedom to do the things that I want. I'm not in love with the job I'm doing, I don't like the look of myself in the photos, I started to take very long time to find the things I want to buy, I started to shower so quickly, I started to love staying alone...guess what, I think I went back to some years ago, when I loved to watch movie or shopping alone. Very often I wanted to leave my cellphone at home, but I have to...

I've got a lot of things going on with me last year, I couldn't think or decide properly. I feared I made the wrong decision, I feared that I made the wrong move, and I feared I might take the wrong path, the path that I shouldn't travel, shouldn't at all. I realised I've changed from a decisive person to a irresolute person. This is so not me

Sometimes I stare at the mirror, asking myself what I really want in my life? I don't have the answer.

I feel...I mean I feel I want to get married to the man who loved me the most, but the next day woke up I feel I shouldn't get married to any person at all. I want to have my own children, but why bring innocent souls to this world which is full of dust?

More money? What is that? Not attractive! I've never said money is not important, it's really important to keep you moving. I just want a comfortable life, comfortable does not really need to be luxury, I can settle with a small house and small car, I don't need many digits in my bank account so stop these agents who tried to pull me into your group, I've heard enough

I don't like my job, yes I call it a job, stop calling me lady-boss because I'm not married to the boss yet. I don't like paperworks, I don't like receiving calls from other firm, I don't like people chasing me about this and that, I don't like doing accounts, I don't like sitting in the office the whole day...I don't like talking to people

**I like to meet new people, I like to do accounts, it's actually quite fun..I like sitting in the office and talk to my colleagues about the latest gossips, I like *no-pressure* work...working with Kevin could be fun, because I don't have to think about the time-in time-out thing

Now you see I don't like a lot of things, but things that I dislike could be things that I like, it's rather confusing. Maybe it's women's thing..okay stop, it's just me

I don't know...everything seems to be pretty messy last year, that's why I think I should have a new year's resolutions for this year

1) Get a new job

2) Spend more time with loved one, friends and family

3) More time for myself to do things that I want

4) Travel to Taiwan or elsewhere alone

5) Save some money to pay off my car

6) Lose weight

7) Attend a class, any class

8) To be a decisive person

9) Sleep earlier

10) Think less

I think that's for all. It's late night, go back to #9, I shall sleep now

Last, but not least

Happy New Year to all of you :)

...

011110

Don't you feel the numbers are just too...gay?

Hmmm, just like 101010 :P

Anyway I'm doing pretty fine, don't worry about me as I was sensing a lack of motivation to write. I will update more, soon! :)

Just thought today is a special day to start something new...I'm leaving to Taiwan soon, maybe I can make a few post dated cheque blogs HAHA :P

-^.^-

Is today a special day?

101010

Ten Ten Ten

Is today a special day to you? Maybe yes...maybe no

Today is not a special day to me, should have went out for a movie, at least I can keep the ticket, 10/10/10. Hmmm now I regret for staying home the whole day :(

-.-"

What if I dislike you?

There are so many people in the world, you can't make all of them to like you; you can't like all of them either

I'm sure there are certain people that you dislike, so do I

There's no big deal about it...but what if they are someone important in your life?

How are you going to deal with it?

I'm never a good actress, if I don't like you, I will show it. Most probably I'll have poker face or shit-smile face (like I have constipation)...

I find it's actually funny because if you don't like them, why can't you just walk away from their lives? Why still cling on them, keep in touch...it's all bullshit.

We hate these people, but we couldn't afford to lose them... keep blaming yourself everyday, wonder why you got into these kind of shits, how pathetic huh? When a relationship (not just LOVE okay?) involves 3rd party, things will change, I once had a best friend, still a best friend of mine, but we nearly fell out because of a newcomer. I'm glad we made it, things worked out fine and we're still best friend.

But luck isn't always by your side, the first time maybe we get through it, but what about the second time, third time or the fourth time? Eventually you will fall out, at least once..I'm sure

If one day we're leaving this planet to another one, I hope people that I love will come with me, together with the people that they love. If the planet has limited space, I hope I can choose the one I want to be together. People who loves me, cares for me, anyone deserves my care and love...

Right now, it's rather confusing, guess I should just step out from the mess, gather myself, and continue the journey on my own...no, I will continue the journey with people I care

I dislike today

.

Eat, Pray, Love

I think, I should go to Bali again, I lost my direction in life, maybe Ketut can help?

Where are you, Vi?

.

To forgive or forget?

Life is awful, when you thought you have the world, someone would come out and tell you your credit limit is a few thousands..like I actually have a credit card.

No, I don't.

A person like me simply don't NEED any credit cards (not that I have a ATM machine...) or I will swipe till drop, I really have problem controlling my itchy hands when it comes to er... seeing things that I like

Better to be safe, use cash. When my wallet left few penis pennies, I know it's time to quit.

I'm never good at self-controlling, I'm sure I'm not the only one. I always try to hide my shoppings from mum/Kevin, but my mouth couldn't keep a secret. Most probably I'll still tell, but with discounted rate (I do the math, of course). But most of the time, I can never keep a secret, and I don't mean keeping real secret...just the small one, little one. Words just blurt out without me noticing..and again, I don't mean a real secret. Your real secret is safe with me, so anything new?

Sometimes, I don't tell them how much I spent in those useless items, but I'll always tell if there's "new arrivals" in my wardrobe, no...I hardly keep it in my wardrobe anymore, it's too full I don't even want to open the door. Everything's folded and placed on my Queen size bed, I only have little tiny place to sleep at night. I think it's cool, at least I know nobody will sneak into my bed at night. In case you think I have a very messy room...not really, I folded everything, yeah yeah..sometimes I stack too high and it er..imagine me performing Kung Fu at night. That's why...I could never hide anything from mum's eyes. Or anybody

Getting stuck in there?

I'm sorry

but I'm not talking about shopping, I only use shoppings to manipulate the story (if there's one). The whole point is, I don't keep my little secrets.

Anyone, and I really mean ANYONE are always welcome to tell me tiny little secrets, and I know if it's a real secret or they fake it. When something is literally related to me, I just HAVE to know it, I just have to...unless you can keep it until the end of day, which no one is going to.

I'm going to find out anyway, so why don't you tell me now? When it bursts itself,

I'm not going to be merry,

I'm not going to appreciate it,

I'm not going to just, Get Over It

I swear I will be damned annoyed, wake up middle of the night and wonder WHY? Like, now

When shit happens, I can either forgive, or to forget.

Of course to forgive is far more better than forget.

"Forget" is ..kind of dangerous? Just like you keep everything in wardrobe, you squeeze everything in, one day you open the door, everything fall/fly out and hit your head and I bet you'll be fricking mad. Just like, you tend to forget tiny little here and there, one day when you have emotional breakdown, everything just burst out and no one could stop it.

I'm never good at hiding, I always got caught every time I play hide-n-seek when I was much younger, I never liked this game. Because my mum once said, don't play hide-n-seek at night, unwanted spirits might join you at the middle of the game and you might never come back..

Come to think of it, it actually means something, there's a hidden message..you never play Hide and Seek (hide anything from anyone?), unwanted spirits might join you at the middle of the game (you find out awful facts), and you might never come back (you'll never forget, and close your heart forever).

To forgive is always the only option

If sorry seems to be the hardest word, forgiving is the hardest thing. Sometimes it's even harder to forgive your own-self.

Forgive and Forget... I have faith in myself, I can Forget and Forgive

So, do you have any more things (literally related to me please) to tell me?

-+.+-

Should I Should I?

Should I should I? Should I get a pair of coloured lenses?

It's no big deal, but down there...ahem I mean my heart, never want to try coloured lenses. Remember my friend Kirsten from Germany? She once told me she felt it's kinda odd seeing youngsters in Asia wearing coloured lenses, their natural iris is much better than "artificial" stuff. She admires black hair, once dyed it black but people around her think she's good in blonde. We often dissatisfied with what we've got, always wanted a change, but if you were given a chance, do you really need/want a change?

=^.^=

updates

So, my sister Eling is in Canada right now, she's going there with her lady boy boss... LOL!

Just video call her via MSN :)

She said night time is much shorter than day time, sunrise at 5am, sunset at...10pm?! Serious?! No wonder she woke up so early.. by the way, she said she couldn't sleep because too hungry, HAHAHA! Mum went to kitchen quickly and showed her the cup noodles which she bought recently, said "Wanna eat this?" HAHAHA my mum is superb :P

I believe her lady boss will take care of my little sister, I shall see her again soon :)

There are 2 (simply annoying) things bothering me right now, but I felt much better after seeing/chatting with Eling. I never realized how much I adore her until she got married, strange thing.. now Joan is getting married in 3 months time, soon I'll be sleeping alone.. don't feel like writing more, 'm off to bed

=^.^=

The Surfer girl

I find myself in a dilemma...
I read The Scorpion's Sweet Venom by Bruna Surfistinha, that's her pen name, her real name is Raquel Pachec.

She left home at the age of 17, chose to become a prostitute...nobody forced her, that was what she wanted to do. Most of the people might look down on her profession, but, at least she has the courage most of us don't have. She knew what she wanted to do, and she went for it.
Sometimes, we just follow advices given by wiser men, it might not be something we want, but we said yes anyway...come to think of it, it's easier to say no at the beginning, once you're settled down, it's hard to turn back, or go the other way. I don't have the courage myself...it's not that I want to become a prostitute, you know.. ;)
Some photos of her











Try to think the brighter side, at least I have my family, a man and friends who love me...and I started to appreciate every single little things I learn everyday. I guess I'm lucky :)












-<3

Be careful what you wish for

Tell you something... I'm madly in love with Jason Mraz
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Hahaha!
Okay, I'm madly in love with Alexandra Potter, too
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Not funny? Okay...okay okay...
I'm reading "Be Careful What You Wish for", sometimes it's not a good thing when every dreams you wish come true, it's kind of creepy when you think of this idea...
Like, you wish you are a multi millionaire, the next day you win lottery, you run around your neighborhood with the ticket yelling screaming
"OOOOOOH MY GOD I'M RICH I'M RICH I'm fucking RICH NOW I don't have to work for the rest of my life WOOOHOOOOOO!!!!"

The next day your neighbour kidnap you, chop your fingers off... send it to your mum and ask her to pay 100,000,00.00 (ok that's too much let says 50,000,00.00 still a lot HAHAHA) otherwise your toes will be chopped next. You wouldn't lose your fingers if your dream doesn't come true.

Okay maybe that's too much, if you didn't scream that "OOOOOOH MY GOD I'M RICH I'M RICH I'm fucking RICH NOW I don't have to work for the rest of my life WOOOHOOOOOO!!!!" your neighbours wouldn't know a thing, put the money in bank? Ooh no that's a huge amount of money...you know the bank manager has got 2 evil horns, better be safe than sorry! You then decided to bury it at the backyard...Oh shit!!! You didn't realize your neighbour saw it!!! The next day they break into your house, dig that money and saw... "Ahh...very nice iPad (LOL) iTampon (it's ok that's cheap I will get it in store myself)" and guess what, you lose all your money and your itampon iPad (Okay I admit I'm just being jealous, I want iPad too) -_-"

....Too much?
Err...okay, let's say your neighbour didn't see it...a month later your whole house collapses because your dog just wouldn't stop digging your backyard until your house collapsed HAHAHA that's "I.M.Possible" (as in a word, or a simple sentence pun intended), well that's because you accidentally buried your dog's dry kibbles when you buried your money. "Gimme back my nom nom, gimme back my nom nom..." well that's a very hardworking furkid O_o"

Enough craps..
What I wanted to tell is, everything can happen so quickly, nothing is impossible. I almost finish the whole book, I found this phrase tells it all..
Pg 90, "...we think we know what we want, but we can never really know until we've got it. And sometimes when we have, we discover we never really wanted it in the first place-but then it's too late" Ed wished for a day off with Lou, his wish came true...because he went down with flu. Nobody wants a day off lying on bed (uuh maybe that's not a bad idea).

It gives me the shivers...imagining my family members, my loved one or me being hurt because we win lottery (LOL! We didn't, I'm just saying if one of my very greedy wishes come true... super hilarious because I don't buy lottery, how to win this way?!). Hardly fell asleep last night, "a small spark can start a great fire" quote by Emmet Fox... this book actually gives me 2nd thought of my life.

We always wish for a better life, but we will never know until "we have better life", remember the movie "Click"? Adam Sandler has the universal remote control, he fast forwarded his life to the "successful stage".. he opened his eyes...realized his beloved wife is no longer with him... so is this called successful? He may not even wanted a "successful career" if he knew he would lose his wife this way...Why? Because in order to be a successful man, he focused on his career, he neglected his wife, neglected his family...sacrificed his health.
So is this what he really wanted? He deeply regret later in his life, just because his life was 1 click away, too many changes in a few secs, he couldn't accept. What if if it's not a click away? Maybe he will never know until years later.. that he never wanted to be "that successful man". Hmmm actually I watched that movie some years ago, I don't quite remember the plot and storyline, I hope I didn't go too far from the story ;)

Sigh...just like, I wish Jason Mraz would be my next date (LOL), if this dream comes true, it means I will lose a man who loves me more than he loves himself, I'm sure I couldn't afford to lose him, just...be careful what you wish for, because you might just get it












-<3

Answer the question

Sometimes, you don't have to answer the questions asked

Why?
People who throws questions to you might not prepared to know the truth, it only makes you a cold-blooded man, who's not considerate...
What if you choose to lie?
If you lie, you're not "answering" questions, you're making script to make people feel better.
I really hate myself, because...right now, I'm in between telling the truth, or making a false statement.

A woman asks her man

"Honey, do you think I look good in this fedora hat?"

(A) "No, you look awkward...you don't have that look,
remove it please, don't torture my eyes"

(B) "Hmmm...you might need a mini vest to go with it, ah...and maybe take off your pink jumper? Hmmm and also your make-up, and...bla bla bla bla" Whatever fuck, just tell her straight that she looked UGLY in fedora hat, it doesn't suit her at all!

Now, tell me you prefer answer A or B

A, the man answered the question

B, the man didn't answer the question

I think, most of the people prefer B.
The woman might just want to "ask"... it doesn't mean she wants an answer, even if you tell her the truth, she still has million billions reasons/excuses to wear that fedora hat to her primary school gathering.

Woman cursed a little in her heart..

"Fuck you, who are you to tell me I don't have that look?
You have tiny smelly penis!"
apparently, she forgot she "asked" the question, (A) is merely his answer to HER question

See?
I'm in dilemma...did I tell you I'm the man?
and,
NO, Kevin is not the woman, his penis is not tiny ;)












-<3

Superrrrr Beesy!

I thought I have time to put up some photos, but I'm so tired these few days, have been busy with work! :'(((
Chinese New Year is around the corner, but I haven't buy anything for Chinese New Year...Ah!!! I did!! I bought few bras lately, and some under-wears... Other than that, no nothing.
Hmmm...
......
..............................






Okay, I bought quite a lot of clothes/dresses in Bangkok, but I didn't plan to wear those during CNY, you know...when I made payment, I didn't consider it as CNY clothes, so I don't feel I buy anything for CNY. Horrible woman I am -_-"

Anyway, I'm not sure if I able to get some *new* clothes for CNY this coming weekend (WHAT?! Sunday is already CNY!?!) Woohoo~ I only have Saturday!!
I'm sure Kevin's eyes would pop out when he reads this...I thought I told him the money he sponsored me to Bangkok is to buy CNY stuff? :P

Aiyaaaaa...but I didn't buy anything RED (ooo haha, I bought a RED top for my mum, and a RED dress for little Hue Ru, how come I didn't get a RED one myself?!), CNY must wear bright colors, RED RED RED, I think I wanna wear RED for the 1st day of CNY, let's see if I can get something RED for this coming CNY :P












-<3

Untitled

I can give you my best...but it won't be what you want
What I could give is not what you need;
what you need is not something I could give
I couldn't give you something you don't need, could I? I couldn't..

Maybe it's really time to go, it's time to see the outside world.
I have no direction and visible purpose, I'm lost.

Life is foggy, unpredictable...I don't know what future offers.
I could only take tiny steps, step by step... For everything step I made, I use days to appreciate. Maybe I'm a little slow in this fast paced world, but it's just me...have you ever considered yourself moving too fast when you think others are slow?

Why don't you slow down? We could walk together, hand in hand... wealth (I refer to money) is not something we could bring to other life
I just wish things will be fine, people out there are less demanding, everyone loves people around them, less hatred..

Good thing, life doesn't end here
The sun will still shine tomorrow :)












-<3

If God has mercy

save me





The beginning of year wasn't that good (put aside my sister's wedding). It was a nightmare, a nightmare I would never forget, not in this life. What's the worst thing in life? You can't get rid of the people you dislike, hate. They are forever there, watching you...

What's worst than worst?
You can't hate the one you hate.
Hate...I never like to use this word to anyone, but, we have to admit, sometimes someone out there really have the "talent" to piss you off and make you hate them.

World Peace without them, GOD BLESS












-<3