Saturday, January 1, 2011

New Year's Resolutions

My 1st ever new year's resolutions.

I ought to be very ashamed of myself, I've never had any resolutions before. Not that I suddenly want myself to fit into another frame, but I think 2010 has brought a lot of memories, both good and bad.
Start with my sisters, Eling got married on 01.01.2010, I slept alone on a queen size bed since then, followed by Joan's wedding on 10th September, I'm sleeping 2 single beds and a queen sized bed until now. 2 single beds are full with my clothes (all tidily folded of course), because I didn't want to leave the beds empty...quite creepy at night.
I don't know what's gotten into me, I started to have insomnia, very often I woke up middle of the night, staring blank at the ceiling... I find myself very lonely, sometimes I weep at night, kept thinking bad things about my life...
Slowly, I wasn't happy with almost everything of myself, worst of all I started to change (perhaps it's not really a bad thing at all). First I wasn't happy with my relationship, I found no freedom to do the things that I want. I'm not in love with the job I'm doing, I don't like the look of myself in the photos, I started to take very long time to find the things I want to buy, I started to shower so quickly, I started to love staying alone...guess what, I think I went back to some years ago, when I loved to watch movie or shopping alone. Very often I wanted to leave my cellphone at home, but I have to...
I've got a lot of things going on with me last year, I couldn't think or decide properly. I feared I made the wrong decision, I feared that I made the wrong move, and I feared I might take the wrong path, the path that I shouldn't travel, shouldn't at all. I realised I've changed from a decisive person to a irresolute person. This is so not me
Sometimes I stare at the mirror, asking myself what I really want in my life? I don't have the answer.
I feel...I mean I feel I want to get married to the man who loved me the most, but the next day woke up I feel I shouldn't get married to any person at all. I want to have my own children, but why bring innocent souls to this world which is full of dust?
More money? What is that? Not attractive! I've never said money is not important, it's really important to keep you moving. I just want a comfortable life, comfortable does not really need to be luxury, I can settle with a small house and small car, I don't need many digits in my bank account so stop these agents who tried to pull me into your group, I've heard enough
I don't like my job, yes I call it a job, stop calling me lady-boss because I'm not married to the boss yet. I don't like paperworks, I don't like receiving calls from other firm, I don't like people chasing me about this and that, I don't like doing accounts, I don't like sitting in the office the whole day...I don't like talking to people
**I like to meet new people, I like to do accounts, it's actually quite fun..I like sitting in the office and talk to my colleagues about the latest gossips, I like *no-pressure* work...working with Kevin could be fun, because I don't have to think about the time-in time-out thing
Now you see I don't like a lot of things, but things that I dislike could be things that I like, it's rather confusing. Maybe it's women's thing..okay stop, it's just me
I don't know...everything seems to be pretty messy last year, that's why I think I should have a new year's resolutions for this year
1) Get a new job
2) Spend more time with loved one, friends and family
3) More time for myself to do things that I want
4) Travel to Taiwan or elsewhere alone
5) Save some money to pay off my car
6) Lose weight
7) Attend a class, any class
8) To be a decisive person
9) Sleep earlier
10) Think less

I think that's for all. It's late night, go back to #9, I shall sleep now
Last, but not least
Happy New Year to all of you :)



beeden said...

Happy New Year Violet, may have to take up some of your resolutions myself, especially the take a class/any class and the get a new job as well. All the best and thank you for your delightful blog, it is always a refreshing glimpse of another life, and stay vivacious.

CathJ said...

happy new year to you... ^_^

violetmay said...

Happy New Year Beeden, all the best with your new year's resolutions :)

Happy New Year to you and your family :D

Dr V said...

First I want to wish you and your loved ones a wonderful 2011. It's great to set goals for yourself, and I hope they all become a reality for you.

I'd like to say a few words about the remainder of your post. You identified some aspects of your life that you're not satisfied with. Next try to think of 1 or a few resolutions to each one. Don't concern yourself with accuracy, because no one escapes this life a genius. We are often humbled in our wisdom, and sometimes disillusioned in our life struggle. Hopefully we find the courage to struggle against ourselves, and maintain our dignity in our defeats. We are right and wrong in every decision. It's our next step that calls us to hope or hopelessness. I totally agree with you--"don't think too much." Feel good about yourself no matter what you do. Just reaching this point in your life is a miracle, and reason enough for optimism. Perhaps you'll forget everything I have said, but I hope you carry these words with you..."you cannot fail no matter which path you take--unless you do nothing." For what it's worth, I'm excited to know you, I'm impressed by your competence, and I believe in you. Give your best to make me a genius! My ego needs the boost.

Okay, I said more than a few words, but I hope you didn't slip into a coma while reading this. :p As always, thanks for sharing.