Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Some old memories

Something to remember

Few years back, I watched a movie called Moulin Rouge, and decided to love this movie for life. I even bought the soundtrack...played it everyday before I went to school and before I fell asleep. Moulin Rouge is a very romantic and wonderful story...but it's a tragedy, not suitable for pessimists.

I was young, 7 years back...I was merely a 17-year-old girl who doesn't know the word, LOVE. There were only 2 things took very big part of my life, my family and friends. I was from girls school, I would say...I didn't talk to any boys except my family members and relatives for 5 years.

5 years...enough to make me sick of men. I've always thought men are troublesome, indiscipline, messy, smelly, horny and all sort of nasty things are related to men. I even sick of men until hated them and reluctant to make friends with any one of them. Besides, I was sensitive to men. I wanted to vomit when they approached me, when they started a conversation, I've plenty of excuses to not look into their eyes and I could just walked away, just like that...totally ignored them, like they were all invisible. I was very impolite and unfair to them...but...at the bottom of my heart, I was scared...I was frightened, they are men, men...not women.

They did nothing, but to be friendly.

The first love movie which touched my heart was called Here On Earth, I cried... I was confused. What is love? Why I cried? Will you die for your loved one? No answers...

I have got a plan, I didn't want to get married, I only wanted to have my own children at the age of 28. I can always go to Sperm Bank, or maybe I could 'trade in' my virginity to a man, and ask him to give me a baby. Hahaha, I was quite silly, thought to keep my virginity until 28 and give it to a man who is willing to give me a baby, LOL! But this idea has changed over time.

After I graduated from secondary school, I went to college. I mixed very well with girls, but I was always the quietest one when we went out for lunch with boy classmates. I didn't know how to start a conversation with them, and I didn't think I need any boy friends (only boys friends, not a special one). Problems have occurred...I found difficulties to mix around with all of them, because my girl friends didn't have problems with boys, merely me. I was lonely although my friends were all around me.

Everything takes time, day after day, I started to feel alright when I hang out with them. But there is one thing I would like to tell you, even though I have a boy friend right now, this doesn't mean I'm interested in men; and this doesn't mean I'm a lesbian. I'm with Kevin wasn't because of his gender, I don't know why, maybe fate brought us together.

My friend once said, "The man who gets your heart must be a very nice and tough man."

Some of them even laughed at me, and cursed me to be the first who gets married among our gang, hehee! No...2 of them have already got married, so...I will never be the first one :P

Anyway, I don't know if I'm ready for marriage. But Kevin is a very good man, I don't want to miss him :)
Are you ready for marriage?

This song is dedicated to you, Come What May by Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather
And stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time


Oh, come what may, come what may
I will love you, I will love you
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place




Mike said...

All that should matter, at the end of the day, is that you're with Kevin because you love each other, and you respect and care for each other. How you feel about other guys, or men in general, is immaterial.

But some of us are pretty nice, despite being undisciplined. :D